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Let’s say a little prayer for the bike parking tax!

June 28, 2009

We have been kept very entertained lately by the various bike parking events and developments that took place in the City of Westminster. While the other morning we were quite excited when we spotted some nice and thick snow covering the motorcycle parking signs in the middle of June, we felt deeply saddened by the appearance of some black thick paint covering the same motorcycle parking signs, which made us believe that something might have died or, at least, was in the process of giving up its life.

 Black 1

Black 2 

While we were hoping that nothing major had happened in the City of Westminster, which has always been considered as a model City by the Conservative Party for the deep honesty, loyalty and dedication of its local politicians, we were quite concerned about a possible sad event that might have affected the motorcycle parking tax, which for us, represented the unique symbol in the world of a local authority, which had the balls to impose on thousands of motorcyclists, an additional money grabbing piece of legislation. Although we were not too sure about what exactly had happened, we thought that we had better observe a two minutes silence in respect for our lovely council, who took so much of their valued time and taxpayers’ money (£401,035.15) to implement the bike parking tax and install all these lovely signs and appaling security devices around the City. How could we not be more grateful to Westminster Council, who have ignored us so much in the past twelve months and made our lives a complete nightmare? After all, we thought they deserved a two minutes silence from us, in recognition for their ignorance, and also to enable us to think of ways to screw them up as much as we could going forward.

At the end of these two long minutes of deep thinking, as we were not too sure about the reason why the signs had all turned black overnight, we decided to wear our darkest clothes in case we were going to be unexpectedly caught up in a funeral ceremony at some point during the day. Although that thick black colour alarmed us a little bit, we were really hoping that we would be given a last chance to see the bike parking tax alive before it disappeared from this world forever. When we were ready to go to work and went down to our bikes, we were thinking about how we were going to pay this lovely tax again, since the phone/text numbers were all hidden behind this beautiful black coat of paint. We knew that the council had still not put up any information in French on its website to help us navigate through the mechanics of paying the parking tax and that, of course, we were possibly going to be told off or even hanged up on, should we had phoned the operator for some help. We tried this before and thought it was not worth the hassle and embarrassment again. On our way to work, we saw some more bike parking signs covered in black. Oh mon Dieu, what’s the hell going on? We loved this bike parking tax so much that some tears of joy and relief started to come out of our eyes. We thought that perhaps this was the end of a long period of stress; time wasted paying and enquiring about this wonderful tax that was keeping us happy every single day. When we arrived at the bay outside our office, there were a lot of motorcyclists, in their black gear, around the parking signs, which were again all covered in black. It just looked like a funeral ceremony. Everyone remained silent, as if they were praying for the sake of the bike parking tax. When we started to say a little prayer to wish the bike parking tax all the best for the future, everyone joined in straight away:-

O, Chalkley, our lovely Danny!

The creator of the bike parking tax,

The best dirty trick maker and designer,

Please stop making our lives hell,

Please forgive us when we sin by failing or refusing to pay,

Because we have unintentionally or intentionally left our credit or debit card at home,

Because we have unintentionally or intentionally lost our credit or debit card,

Because our mobile phone’s battery is flat,

Because some of us don’t or can’t have a debit or credit card,

Because some of us don’t or can’t have a mobile phone,

Because our vision is not strong enough to read phone numbers through thick black paint,

Because we delibarately failed to make a note of the phone/text number required to pay,

Because, quite simply, we put your tax up our arse!

 Father Chalkley, graciously hear us on 1st July 2009, when we will all give you our individual prayers in writing, in memory of your bike parking tax.


1st July 2009 – Please join the demonstration and say NO to the bike parking tax in Westminster! For further details, visit

1er Juillet 2009 – Assistez a la manifestation pour protester contre le stationnement payant des deux-roues a Westminster! Pour de plus amples informations, consultez


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